Chavs on Bikes Vs Iowa

Saturday, October 06, 2007

Dear The Thieves Who Broke Into Our Van In Leeds:

Many thanks for ushering us into the burgled ranks of some of our favorite artists, such as Damien Jurado, Sonic Youth, Black Mountain, Dinosaur Jr., Camper Van Beethoven and Broken Social Scene! Just to be considered as a genuine target of theft alongside these illustrious artists is indeed an honor.

And from the bottom of our hearts, we forgive you. Honest, just like Jesus would and already has. If I think about it, you probably needed that Playstation 2 and my laptop containing all my photos and lyrics and demos much more than I did. I understand being 15 years old puts you under intense pressure - things like bicycling around in large groups, finally getting up the guts to assault your first teenage girl and finding a deadbeat 18 year old that will buy you smokes and beer is a lot harder than it used to be.

In a way, we also have to thank you for leaving behind so many valuables that were within plain sight. You could have easily slipped that very expensive video camera or thousand dollar keyboard under your arm with the rest of it. But you didn't, and we applaud your maturity. If I had to guess I'd say you were thinking, "We're going to take only what we absolutely need and nothing else." Let me tell you, if that thought process continues, we could be looking at some resoundingly successful political candidates in the coming years.

Lastly, we'd like to apologize about that lock on back door, as you probably needed some guitars and amps, too. At the risk of sounding selfish, we really can't part with any of that. We need it to play our shows. I hope you understand.

Love,
Luke & Everyone at The Envy Corporation.